CHAPTER 16
I wasn’t looking forward all that much to our drive to school. “So maybe this is the time that Sally will want to get in the backseat with you,” Wheat said as we waited for Big Jim to pull up in front of our house.
Like I was going to let that comment pass. “Well, maybe Big Jim will hold you out his window with one hand like a little trophy. Or maybe he could use you as a hood ornament. How about we don’t say anything about the picture and maybe they won’t either?”
Wheat nodded and then mumbled, “These are the times when I wish I was in the science club instead of on the wrestling team.”
When we did get picked up, neither of the Guffies mentioned the front-page picture. Big Jim still seemed a little aglow after winning the decisive match the previous night. I think I even smelled some after-shave on him although it could have been Sally upping her perfume potency.
That reminded me that I didn’t think Wheat had used her Midnight Breeze for her match the previous night. I decided I would ask about that later.
Sally was actually quite complimentary, not only to me and Wheat but to her big brother as well. I was trying hard to see if she was being genuine or not. If she wasn’t, then she was doing a pretty good job of acting. I’ll have to say that her bear-hug after the meet had seemed genuine. It just about cracked my ribs.
Before we got out of the car, I finally asked what Big Jim and Sally had thought about the pictures in the paper. “What pictures?” Big Jim said. “Our parents only get the newspaper on the weekend.”
That explained a lot. They were curious and I said they should probably get a copy or look at the paper’s website. Wheat didn’t say anything. After Big Jim parked in the student lot, it was kind of awkward when we all got out. Big Jim always heads for the gym for his first class — advanced weight training, an elective — and I didn’t know whether I should walk in with Wheat or Sally. Fortunately, Sally saw some of her friends and hailed them down.
“Let’s go Spock,” Wheat said.
“Aye, aye, Captain. I’ll beam both of us into school,” I said and followed her down the sidewalk.
——-
I did get a few comments over the course of the day. Our win over Mishawaka was the big news during our principal’s morning announcements. Mr. Rammel, our algebra teacher, even had Wheat and I stand up to the applause of our fellow students.
When we sat down, my buddy Bobby Taylor nudged me from his desk across from me and whispered, “I thought you lost.”
“Yeah, but I lost in magnificent fashion,” I said.
When I took off for biology class, I saw Kelly Carson coming down the hallway. I had never seen him during this particular break between classes and I’m not sure he even saw me as he passed. Of course, there were a lot of kids in the hall. I forced myself not to look back. I had a creepy feeling that I might see Wheat waiting for him.
After lunch and just before English class, Bobby caught up with me and said, “Do you think Laurie Middlebrook knows you lost in magnificent fashion?”
I hoped she did but I also hoped she didn’t see the newspaper in the morning. I don’t think many high school kids look at it. Just getting dressed and brushing your teeth are hard enough for most kids to do and still make it to school on time without stretching out the paper in front of them at the breakfast table. But then Laurie’s dad is the mayor and so …
“I saw you in the paper this morning, Spank,” Laurie said as soon as I walked into Mrs. Murphy’s door. “That must have been really exciting. I wish I could have been there. You didn’t wrestle Sally Guffie after the meet, did you? It looks like she was about ready to attack you.”
“If she had, I would have probably lost,” I admitted. “I think she was heading for her brother to hug him and I happened to be in her way.”
That seemed to satisfy her. “You looked cute in your wrestling uniform. My dad showed me the picture this morning.”
“What did he think?”
“I’m not sure. I still think he might have the wrong idea about you. I’m working on him, though.”
Yikes, I thought. One guy in the whole town of South Bend thinks I’m a roughneck and it happens to be the mayor — and the father of the girl who still remains No. 1 on my dream list. I would have to say, though, that Sally Guffie has gone from about No. 9,203 to the Top 5 over the course of a week. And she seemed to be getting close to knocking Mrs. Riley out of the No. 2 spot. Of course, if Taylor Swift was a few inches shorter, she would be No. 2.
I’m sure that Mrs. Murphy, who is not on my list, doesn’t know anything about wrestling — or even sports, for that matter — but she gave me a quick look and said, “Billy Ray apparently had a big evening last night. Let’s see if he included reading the O. Henry short story I assigned all of you. Would you give me a synopsis of ‘A Reformed Reformation.’”
I had only skimmed it after our meet. But I knew the story already. I had done a report on it in junior high and if has always been one of my favorites. In the story, Jimmy Valentine is a safe cracker who eventually goes straight but then has to make up his mind if he wants to leave a kid trapped in a safe and protect his past identity or save the kid and probably go to jail. I love that name, Jimmy Valentine, and I think that’s partly why I remember the story so well.
I could talk about Jimmy Valentine anytime and I stood up and faced the class matter-of-factly while I explained it. I do think that wrestling has given me a lot more self-confidence even if I had been beaten, 11-3, in my last match.
“Both brains and some brawn,” Mrs. Murphy said as I sat down. I blushed. I felt a little guilty, though, that I had barely reviewed it the night before. Who knew she was going to single me out?
After class, I started to walk Laurie down the hall but she found some friends she seemed to need to talk to. That was OK with me even though it seemed to be a bit of a brush-off. Even though I might be madly in love with her, I’m just happy that she seems to like me, even if it’s just a little. She might be a little jealous of Sally Guffie, too. You just never know when it comes to love and war — or so I’ve heard when Mom watches those movies on the Hallmark Channel.
Then again, maybe she saw I lost, 11-3, and didn’t understand that I was still a hero — ha, ha — by keeping from getting pinned.
Bobby Taylor, who probably hasn’t been all that happy that I’ve been walking with Laurie instead of him, came up to me. “Got a question, Spank,” he said.
I hoped it wasn’t going to be about girls. “Fire away,” I said.
“If you had been Jimmy Valentine in that story and Kelly Carson was in the safe, do you think you would have let him out?”
“Probably,” I said. “But if he was stuck in one of our lockers with those little breathing holes up at the top, I might have left him in there until the end of the day.”
Before practice later that afternoon, we were messing around and having a pretty good time when we should have been doing our pushups and sit-ups. Dion Borden suggested that Big Jim and Wheat re-enact their little scene at the end of the meet that made the paper. But Wheat balked.
“I’m not playing around,” she growled when Dion put his hand on her shoulder like she should go along with his suggestion since he was a captain. She shrugged it off and then continued: “We’ve got three days until the conference meet and you guys are acting like a bunch of giggling girls, sorry to say. We should pretend that we just got our butts beat and are looking for revenge. I know the Mishawaka wrestlers are doing that right now and we barely beat them. This is the worst of times for us to get a little soft in our preparation.”
By that time, Coach Mathews had come out of his office. “Well, I guess there’s nothing else I need to say,” he said. “I think Tanda has pretty much covered it all. Now, let’s get to it.”
And so we did. Dion or Big Jim, our senior captains, probably should have given that sort of speech. But then Wheat, even though a scrawny sophomore and a girl to boot, is probably the unofficial leader of our team anyway.
I was glad she spoke up and I sure didn’t want Big Jim to do their acrobat act again. I figured that somebody would want to pretend to be Sally Guffie and put me in a bear-hug for the second act.
I made sure I paired off with Wheat and Dion and Doug Littlejohn as much as I could while avoiding Thirsty and The Torso. I wanted to really work hard on my moves so I could be respectable at the conference meet. Benny Goodchild was getting over his toe injury and was showing up to practice and helping me out with some advice.
I liked that. Benny knows wrestling pretty well. He’s a student of the sport but not the toughest guy in the gym. Sometimes, a good technician can beat a tough guy. But then if the tough guy is a good technician as well, an opponent like Benny is going to be dead meat.
Even if he hadn’t messed up his toe, I think I could have handled him by now. Just saying. Not trying to brag. I have gotten better and I think I could even give Wheat a pretty good match now that I have a few more pounds on me.
CHAPTER 17
When I’m old and gray — or bald like Ric, even though he shaves a good deal of his hair — I figure that Thursday will probably be considered the craziest day of my life. At least I hope so. I don’t think I could go through many days like that.
It started out a little unsettling when Ric knocked on the bathroom door and came in with a disposable razor and shaving creme. “It’s time you learned to shave, Spank,” he said.
I knew I had been cultivating a little bit of what Ric calls peach fuzz on my chin, but I thought I would let it go for a while and see if it might eventually develop into a little bit of stubble. It seems like half the younger actors in the movies have some kind of facial hair. And look at all the athletes who are sporting beards these days. It seems to work for them. Why not me?
And I was halfway insulted, halfway embarrassed that Rick would even want to get involved in my facial makeup. He had never commented on my occasional zit, one of them taking up about half my forehead not that long ago.
“What about if I want to cultivate a little five-o’clock shadow?” I said.
“You probably won’t have a true five-o’clock shadow for more than five years,” he said. “I just think this would be a good time to look like a young man who wants to take care of his looks before a big thing like his first prom. And besides, you can always grow it back.”
I was about ready to tell him that it took me 15 years to grow my little bit of peach fuzz but decided to let it go.
So just to get him off my back, I let him show me how to apply the shaving creme and how to take nice steady strokes. “And first and foremost, always drench your face with hot water — as hot as you can stand — and wipe off the blade after each stroke with hot water. Hot water is even more important than the sharpness of your blade.”
And so off my peach fuzz came. I wondered if anybody would even notice. When I was done and admiring my smooth face in the mirror, Ric gave me one more tip. “Never let your sister — or any woman — use your razor on her legs,” he said. “Leg hair dulls a blade so badly that it would be like shaving with a piece of glass.”
Did Wheat shave her legs? I had never seen her do so. Was Ric just assuming that?
I asked her as we put our books in our backpacks and got ready for school. “Of course I do,” she said. “I’ve been doing it for a year, not that it is any of your business. And I shave my armpits, too.”
I was surprised I didn’t know that, as close as we are. I guess I always thought that the razor blades were Mom’s. And to be honest, I don’t think I even knew that girls grew hair under their arms. Maybe women, but not girls. I have to admit I’ve never seen armpit hair in a girl before. I was thinking about all that when Wheat said, “Smooth face, Spank.”
“What are you talking about?” I said.
“You minus the little cat whiskers on your chinny-chin-chin,” she answered.
“Were you listening in on Rick and me?”
“Didn’t have to. I’m the one who told him to give you the shaving lesson.”
That’s when I started thinking that a bigger house and an extra bathroom might not be a bad idea.
“Now you have a reason to use some nice-smelling after-shave lotion,” Wheat added. “A lot of girls like it.”
“I’m not ready for this,” was all I could say.
I certainly wasn’t ready for the bombshell that Laurie layed on me later in the day. She had asked me in English class if I could meet her right after school for something important. I told her I couldn’t be late for wrestling practice but she said it wouldn’t take too long. We could meet out in front of the school on one of the benches.
She was there first and sitting with a couple of her girl friends. When they saw me coming, the friends got up and one of them said, “We’ll see you at the car, Laurie.” I think her friend’s name is Tara. She looked back at me like I had a worm coming out of my nose.
Laurie, meanwhile, looked at me a little nervously. “Oh, Spank,” she said as I sat down beside her. “I’m going to have to ask you if it’s OK if we break our date to the prom. I’m so sorry.”
How can you feel overwhelming disappointment as well as a little relief at the same time? “Why?” I asked.
“David Butcher just got home from Army boot camp and my dad insists I go with him. His parents and my parents are best friends and even though he’s three years older them me, David and I have always been close. I’ve been writing to him but I didn’t think he would be home for another week.”
I didn’t have anything to say and so she continued. “I like you a lot, Spank, and hope we stay friends. And if you really want me to go with you, I still will. It will just be really awkward with my dad. I don’t know why he is being like that. Being mayor, I guess, he’s used to getting his way. He’s put the guilt trip on me by saying that David needs some fun and normalcy in his life during this little break from his training. And that he’s serving our country and might be sent overseas sometime soon. I guess he’s lost about 15 pounds.”
I didn’t say anything or ask which weight class he might now be in. I thought I would give her my own version of a guilt trip before I said it was okay to dump me. I guess she sort of figured that out because she started sobbing. Oh, boy.
“I understand,” I finally said. “It was a privilege to be asked by you. You’ve got my permission to go with David Whoever.”
“David Butcher,” she said. “He’s a great guy, just like you. I’m not in love with him or anything — at least not now — but my parents seem to be in love with him. He’s always been a bit of a favorite of theirs. That’s maybe why my dad didn’t warm up to you or Kelly. It probably had nothing to do with your fight. He’s the first boy I ever kissed. It’s just really awkward. I wish I wasn’t even on the prom court and had to go.”
At that point, another one of her friends came from the parking lot and yelled, “Laurie, we need to go.”
I didn’t know if that had been planned or not, but I was ready to get going, too. Laurie stood and so did I. She actually gave me a peck on my cheek and said, “Thanks so much for understanding, Spank. I owe you. I know you don’t deserve this.”
I nodded and she started to walk away. “Hey, Laurie,” I yelled to her. “Tell your dad I probably won’t vote for him when I turn 18.”
She laughed. “That’s one of the reasons I like you, Spank. You’re always so funny.”
I figured it wouldn’t do me any good telling her I wasn’t meaning to be funny. Her dad didn’t impress me that much anyway. I don’t even know if he is a Republican or Democrat. But when I find out, I’ll probably become the other.
Wheat, who seemed to appear out of nowhere, gave me a pat on the back. “What’s up, Romeo. It looks like you upset your darlin’.”
“She just saved me the cost of a corsage,” I said.
“Oh, Spank. I’m sorry.”
“Not to worry. I can now concentrate on the conference meet and maybe even try to win a match or two.”
“Why did she back out?”
“Old flame — three years older than her — is coming back from boot camp earlier than expected. Who knows, maybe he’s deserting. She probably wants to go with him but she’s using her dad as an excuse. Oh, well. I’m OK with it. I just hope Mom doesn’t get too upset. I’m sure she’ll get over it almost as quickly as I do.”
“Did she let some tears flow for the right effect?”
“Yep.”
“Figures. You know, Spank, I liked Laurie when we got together with her last week. I think she’s a pretty good person overall even though she probably expects everything to go her way. She’s just different than us right now. It may not be that way when we all get a little older and we don’t have to worry about what our parents and high school friends think. I know she didn’t mean to hurt you but she probably could have handled this better. But, hey, we’re all just 15 years old. We all have a lot to learn yet.”
“That all sounds like a comment from one of those advice columns, Wheat. But you’re right. Maybe when Laurie is an ancient 22 years old or something, she’ll look back at me as the one who got away.”
“Come on, little fishie, let’s go get some mat burns.”
Practice went fine, all things considered. Nothing like putting all your energy into beating someone else in a wrestling workout than worrying about feeling sorry for yourself. Benny Goodchild was back in uniform and obviously trying to win his spot back at 119. I’m not going to let that happen. I wrestled about as well as I ever have at practice, even pinning Doug Littlejohn at one point.
When we squared off to do some takedown drills at the end of practice, Tommy the Torso actually paired off with Wheat instead of me. He normally hates to wrestle Wheat but I guess he noticed I had things going.
Big Jim gave us a ride home and mentioned that he really liked the dance class on Monday. He even said that he and Sally had demonstrated some of the steps to their mom. “First time I’ve ever got that close to my sister since I tried to strangle her for rubbing deep heating rub in my underpants a couple of years ago,” he said.
“She’s a good dancer,” I said, filling in the conversation gap since Big Jim seemed a little embarrassed about what he had just revealed.
“She says the same about you, Spank,” he said. “It’s really creepy how nice she’s been acting recently. I know our grandma has a lot to do with it but I think you’ve been a good influence on her, Spank. You are way too normal to be what is usually her type. I don’t know if she really likes you or not, but she seems to enjoy flirting a little with you. And she’s been halfway bearable to be around lately. Usually, she likes guys a little more … macho. No offense.”
“None taken,” I said. “People change. Look at me. A year ago, I was maybe the biggest wimp in school. And now, I don’t even think I would make the Top 10 list — or is that the Bottom 10.”
“Oh, brother,” Wheat said somewhat disgustedly as Big Jim pulled up in front of our house and let us off.
“What’s the big news?” Ric said as we walked in the front door.
“I’m a free agent again,” I said. “I’m not going to the prom with Laurie after all. Her dad must have noticed I was on some Most Wanted list down at the post office.”
“Whhhaaaattt!” came Mom’s screech from the kitchen.
“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” I said to Wheat. “You want to fill her in? I’m not in the mood to go through the story again.”
“Will do,” she said and headed for the kitchen.
Ric hung around. “You want to talk about it, Spank?”
“Naaa. I really do have to go to the bathroom,” I said as I headed upstairs. “You can listen to Wheat, too. She can explain it better than I can.”
“OK,” Ric said. “I’m available any time, though.”
After the first three steps, I turned and said, “Prom or not, at least I know how to shave properly now.”
Ric nodded. “How about our next man-to-man talk being about tying a good Windsor knot?”
We both laughed. We both hate ties. I was glad that I got to kid with him and that Wheat had the job of consoling Mom.
At dinner— lasagna — nobody mentioned the prom although Mom was looking at me in a woeful way. I think woeful was a good word for it. Wheat must have persuaded her to keep her mouth shut about it.
Thank goodness for Lake to keep the mood from being too dreary. He kept pointing to me and saying “Spock,” apparently his new word for the week. Then he would point at Wheat and say, “Ta-da.” Then some strange sounds came from his high chair and he went, “Uh-oh.”
Mom scooped him up and took him up for a diaper change. Then a cell phone rang. It was coming from Wheat’s direction. She reached into her pocket, looked at who was calling and excused herself.
I got up to follow her when Ric said, “Oh, no, you don’t, buddy. I’m not going to get stuck with all these dishes. You clear and clean off the counters and I’ll load the dish washer. I think you should know by now that kids your age don’t like an audience when they get a phone call.”
He was right, of course. So we went to work. Ric takes a lot of pride in his dish washing. He worked in the kitchen of a restaurant when he was growing up on the south side of Chicago and he said he always liked cleaning the dishes. He grew up a little poor and he said his family didn’t always have the hottest of water. I guess I believe him. He also said he always liked getting his hands clean in the hot-soapy water and also seeing a mess turn into neat stack of dishes.
I can’t say that I feel the same as he does about doing the dishes but he makes it fun when we do them together. He usually flicks water at me and sometimes I’ll toss the dishes for him to catch if Mom isn’t around.
When we were finishing up, Wheat came back in the room and looked serious. “Dad, do you mind if I go to Mug and Munchies in a little while to meet a friend?”
“What friend?” Ric and I said at the same time.
“Kelly Carson,” she mumbled.
“Who?” Ric and I asked together again although we both heard her well enough.
“Kelly Carson,” Wheat almost shouted. “You heard me. Spank knows he gave me a ride to school the other day and he’s walked me to a couple of classes. He felt bad about what happened last week. If Spank can go to the prom with the mayor’s daughter — oops, would have gone — can’t I have a coke with a guy? Don’t worry, Dad, he already knows I can whip him. And he knows you’re a cop.”
“I don’t like him,” I blurted out.
“You don’t know him, Spank.” Wheat blurted back.
Ric stayed quiet for a moment. “I don’t know this guy except that he is a good athlete and that he drives a car that’s a little too fast for a kid his age. And I wasn’t exactly impressed with the way he was acting when I got to The Mug last week.”
“He sort of humiliated himself, I’ll admit, Dad,” Wheat sort of pleaded. “You’ve always been big about giving people second chances and I’ve done that with Kelly. He hasn’t disappointed so far.”
“I don’t like this, Dad,” I huffed.
“It’s none of your business,” Wheat said. “I’ve been OK with your first excursion with the opposite sex. So let me be. Bug out.”
Ric seemed amused. I wasn’t. I didn’t know if I was mad that Kelly was trying to move in on my sister on that she hadn’t told me all about it.
“I’ll tell you what,” Ric finally said. “You can go, Wheat, but you’ll be taking a chaperone along just like Spank did last week with the mayor’s daughter. You can either pick me, in my full uniform and my firearm at my side, or Spank with his new clean-shaven face. Your choice.”
“You mean you don’t trust me enough to meet him by myself?”
“Oh, I trust you, all right,” Rick said. “I’m just not sure I’m ready to trust this Kelly Carson yet.”
“I’m not going,” I said.
“Oh, yes, you are,” Wheat said. “You can sit up at the counter but you’re going. I don’t think a coke date needs a police presence.”
I stormed out of the kitchen, but I felt Ric’s long arm of the law on my shoulder before I hit the stairs. He must have moved pretty quick despite his sore knee. “I need you on this, Spank,” he said. “I’m a father and I worry about my kids, especially a daughter no matter how tough she is. You’re the one person in the whole world I would trust with the welfare of that little girl in the other room. And you and your Mom are the best gifts I’ve ever received. I might not always show it, but I’m a worry wart when it comes to my three kids. So please go with her so I don’t have to and really screw up the night for her.”
His words had hit my heart dead-center. I gave him a nod and he gave me a quick man hug. I was fighting back some tears when Wheat walked into the living room.
“What did you do, Dad?” she asked. “Spank the Spanker?”
“When we going? is all I said.
“Twenty minutes. Wipe your tears, girly boy.”
Ric grabbed us both and gave us a group hug. Mom was coming down the stairs while holding Lake. “Meeee,” he said. So we included the two of them in our hug even though neither one of them knew what it was about.
CHAPTER 18
We could feel a bit of a winter thaw as Wheat and I headed off to Mug and Munchies — or just The Mug as Ric apparently calls it. He says a lot of the cops have coffee there in the morning. They pretty much leave it as a hang-out for us kids in the evening.
Without verbalizing it, I think Wheat and I decided to let some things left unsaid for a while. It was one of the few times when it seemed a little awkward for us to share our feelings with each other.
The temperature was in the low 40s and most of the snow had melted. It was a little too early for spring to be in the air. I wouldn’t have been able to smell it anyway. “I thought you only used that Midnight Breeze for worthy opponents,” I finally said.
“Is it that strong?” Wheat asked, sounding alarmed.
“It will fade by the time we get there,” I assured her. “The wind will blow it all over the neighborhood and everyone will fall in love with each other tonight.”
“I swear to the Almighty, Spank. If you keep it up, I’ll plant your face in a snowdrift right now and make you squeal like a little piggie before I let you up. You want to cry like a baby twice in one evening?”
“Ok, Ok, I just had to say something. I’m done now. Let’s get this over with. I’m just here because Ric wants to make sure you drink Diet coke instead of regular and that you don’t nibble on any fries. Big meet in two days, remember?”
We went back to silence. I glanced over at her and Wheat looked a little nervous. She also looked downright pretty — her hair curled nicely and what looked like a little makeup around her dark eyes. I wasn’t going to say anything about that. I figured I already got away with my one shot for the night.
Kelly’s Mustang was parked outside The Mug — I think I’ll also start calling it that. “He was going to pick me up but I told him that you were coming, too, and that a walk would do us good,” Wheat said. “I’m not sure Dad would have let me ride with him anyway, although I already did the other morning.”
Boy, did I feel funny walking in there. I saw Kelly sitting in a booth smiling like a dork. I walked over to the counter and sat down. But he yelled at me to come over, too. Tony the Cook came out from the kitchen — I think one of the waitresses may have said something to him. He looked me over and then over at the table where Wheat had just sat down across from Kelly. “Am I going to have to set up a demilitarized zone between you guys,” he said.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Never mind,” Tony said. “Just tell me that all of you got your orneriness out of your systems the other night.”
The three of us nodded. Even a couple of kids in another booth nodded, too, probably just in case that Tony was including them. Then he chuckled and looked directly at Wheat. “You’re that little girl who’s whipping all those boys in wrestling, aren’t you.”
Wheat nodded. “Well then, no charge tonight. I’m a big fan of little heroes — or heroines if that’s the better word. Just refrain from beating up the boys in here, OK?”
“Thanks,” Wheat said. “We’re just having cokes — mine a diet.”
“Speak for yourself,” I said. “If it’s free, I’m having a hamburger.”
“We just ate,” Wheat protested.
“And I’m going to keep eating until I make 119 pounds,” I said.
“If you’re going to be a glutton, maybe you should go back to the counter,” Wheat added.
“Are you guys always this edgy?” Tony the Cook said. “Doris will be over to take your orders. I’ll tell her it’s on me as long as there’s no fisticuffs.”
Kelly was just sitting there and listening to all this. Finally, Wheat looked at him and said, “Well, what do you think?”
“I think I’ll have a hamburger, too,” he said with a smile. “My mom made some kind of Chinese dish tonight and I didn’t like it at all.”
“Well, that was one thing that you and the Spanker have in common,” Wheat said. “I might have to look a little harder to find other things.”
“Well, let’s see,” Kelly said. “Favorite sports team?”
“Cubs,” I said.
“Well, what to you know. We agree on that. Favorite musical group?”
“Lady Antebellum.”
“I’m not really into country. Mine would probably be One Republic. Favorite teacher?”
“Mr. Rammel.”
“We’re way off on that one. He gave me a C last year and kept me off the honor roll. Mine would be Mrs. Kern, my English teacher.”
That surprised me. She must be about 70 years old and looks about 100. “What about Mrs. Riley?”
Kelly looked a little embarrassed. “Nice to look at, but Mrs. Kern really got me into liking literature.”
“Does it always have to be about looks with you, Spank?” Wheat cut in. “I think Kelly is looking at it in a much more mature manner.”
I felt like saying that we wouldn’t be sitting across from him if Wheat looked like Winnie the Pooh instead of one of the prettiest girls at Clay High.
Doris the Waitress came over then and took our orders. After that, it seemed that I was a persona non grata — I’m sure Kelly learned what that means from Mrs. Kern — as Kelly and Wheat began talking about what they liked and didn’t like.
I’ll have to say, though, that it was pretty interesting to listen to them. Kelly said he didn’t really like football all that much but was pretty good at it and his dad would go into deep depression if he gave it up. His favorite sport was baseball and he was worried that a dislocated thumb he suffered in the last football game of the season might hurt his grip on the ball.
The Mustang he drove was really his older sister’s, but she had gotten a couple of speeding tickets at college and their dad had taken it away from her for at least the rest of her sophomore year.
He admitted he had dyslexia and it had really made him struggle in school until it was diagnosed. That’s why he really liked reading now and why Mrs. Kern was his favorite teacher.
Of course, he wanted to be a major-league baseball player but knew that would be a long shot. As a kid, he always wanted to be a fire fighter and he still thought that would be a worthy profession.
Wheat went through some of her likes and dislikes that I had already heard a thousand times — yada, yada, yada. But then she said that she might like to be a nurse and I had never heard her mention that before.
And then Kelly turned to me and asked me if I had any life goals. “To be 6-foot-3 and weigh about 220 pounds,” I said.
That made him laugh. I was starting to have a hard time working up a real dislike for Kelly. I wasn’t crazy about how he was looking at my sister, though. But I wasn’t crazy about how my sister was kind of goo-goo eyeing him, either. Then I noticed that Doris the Waitress was kind of giving him the same look. It must be tough to be that handsome.
I almost asked him about that until he said, “Tanda told me why you’re not going to the prom with Laurie. I hope this doesn’t break your bubble even more, but that’s the same reason we broke up — although we had only been dating three months. She told me she couldn’t go to the prom with me if David Butcher was back in town. I guess he’s going to be back, huh? That’s more her dad than her. Nutty guy and yet he’s our mayor. I’m surprised Laurie is as normal as she is.”
That explained a lot. I wasn’t even Plan B with Laurie but Plan C — or worse. I decided not to tell Kelly that Laurie said she would only dump me if Javy Baez of the Cubs called.
But I couldn’t help myself. “So who are you going to go to the prom with, Kelly?”
“Spank!” Wheat almost shrieked.
“Well, I asked your sister but she said she was planning on being in the championship match of the conference meet. So I may go watch her. The prom is more of a senior class thing anyway.”
I kept going. “Rumor has it that Sally Guffie was expecting you to ask her.”
“Spank!” Wheat said even louder and I saw Tony the Cook look out the little window from the kitchen.
Kelly laughed. “Sally and I have a complicated relationship. We’ve known each other since we were little kids. Our parents even have pictures of us in the bathtub together — I could probably blackmail her with that one. We’re buds, more like brother and sister, and it always took both of us to handle Big Jim, who never has been too keen on me. Sally and I were always the ones who played together. We’re pretty protective of one another. We just don’t advertise it. So, yeah, we could go to some things together if one of us was desperate for a date. But it would be more out of friendship.”
“You would probably look like Ken and Barbie together,” I said.
That was it for Wheat. She punched me in the ribs, probably harder than she should have since I, too, had the biggest meet of my life ahead of me.
“Easy, Tanda,” Kelly said. “He’s right. We probably would look that way. And even though we’ve never talked about it, I don’t think either one of us would want to be viewed as that pretty but plastic couple that a lot of people would see.”
If my ribs weren’t hurting so much, I figured that this would be a good time to ask him why he was a bit of a bully to me recently. And why he thought he needed to act like such a jerk the last time we were all at The Mug.
I think he saw me stewing a little. Maybe he even read my mind. “I know you probably don’t like me much. I probably wouldn’t if I were you, either. I was just showing off a little when I banged you into the lockers. That was stupid of me and immature.”
“That wasn’t any big deal,” I said. “First time Mrs. Riley ever gave me a second look.”
“I have not heard about that,” Wheat cut in.
We both ignored her. “But what happened here last week was inexcusable. I had no idea that you guys and Laurie were going to be in here. I sort of lost it a little to see Laurie probably leading on somebody else. It really bugged me and I reacted badly.”
“You didn’t fare so well, either,” I couldn’t help but say.
Kelly smiled at that. “Tanda pretty much gave me what I had coming. But what kind of punch did you hit me with?”
“It was my head,” I said. “I lost my balance and fell into you and my head sort of became a torpedo, I guess.”
“Then you have one really hard head,” he chuckled.
“And all this time I thought you blasted him with some kind of roundhouse punch,” Wheat said. “That explains a lot. I should have guessed that.”
We all laughed and talked about a lot of different stuff after that. I could tell that there were some sparks between Wheat and Kelly and I still wasn’t so sure how I felt about that. At least I felt a little better about Kelly — maybe not yet great, but better.
I didn’t know if Wheat’s Midnight Breeze was wafting over to the other side of the booth, but I was definitely getting a good whiff.
“You like my sister’s perfume,” I said before I could stop myself.
“Very nice,” Kelly said as he watched Wheat rummage through her purse that she hardly ever carried.
“Yeah, it’s called Midnight Breeze …” I started just as she sprayed me in the face with that mantrap of a scent.
That did it. I picked up my coke and moved back to the counter to wait for my hamburger. Now and then, I would look over at the two of them and they obviously couldn’t care less if I was in the same establishment.
I guess things really change fast when you’re going through puberty — who came up with that really uncomfortable name to describe it? It had been me who had at least been grazed by one of Cupid’s arrows last week and now it looked like it was these two with the same problem. Who would have guessed? Not me.