I should tell you right now that I have never been much of a ladies’ man. Maybe I will be someday but not at the moment. Hey, I’m only 15. I like girls probably a little more than I want to admit but when you are smaller than a lot of the ones in your own class, you kinda have to resort to admire them from afar.
I did kiss a few girls at an eighth grade party down in Sandy Wendle’s basement when we played spin the bottle. Although I think I kind of liked those smooches, I was a little unsettled by the whole experience, maybe because other people were watching and egging us on. But that smacker that Sally Guffie put on me … well, I felt it all the way down to my toes and back up to my ears.
I never did catch Wheat as I chased her into school — yeah, she’s faster than me, too — but all I really wanted to do was ask her how she knew I had a bit of a crush on Laurie Middlebrook. It’s not like I’ve carved her name into our bedroom wall or anything. Maybe I’ve doodled down her name once or twice, I don’t know.
I don’t think I talk in my sleep, which wouldn’t be good, because about half my dreams are about Laurie. Most of the other half are about me suddenly realizing that I’m sitting in English class in just my underwear. But those are sort of about Laurie, too, since I sit beside her.
I don’t really like Sally Guffie any more than I did — maybe I even dislike her more now — but I’m thinking I might start having a few dreams about those ruby red lips of hers, too. OK, maybe they weren’t ruby red, but I like the sound of that anyway.
I thought about that kiss all morning, hardly giving a thought to our meet that night. I even got caught daydreaming in algebra class and Mr. Rammel, one of my favorite teachers, got on me a little. Oh, well, we Romeos have a lot on our plate — ha, ha.
Speaking of plates, there wasn’t much on mine at lunch since I was a pound heavy in the morning. I ate a few celery sticks I had packed and some kind of nutty bar I got out of a machine in the cafeteria.
When I walked into English class, I did my usual. I nodded to my buddy, Bobby Taylor, said a “Hello, Mrs. Murphy” to our teacher like the good boy that I am and then tried to look over at Laurie Middlebrook in a casual sort of way — even though we’re talking about the highlight of my day when I sit down beside her.
She always is pretty nice to me. We sometimes even say a few words with my heart pounding about two hundred times a minute. I call that my Hummingbird Heart. And then the business of English takes over. Laurie is a serious straight-A type student. I’m pretty close, just not in her league — in pretty much anything.
But I almost stopped in my tracks when I looked at her this time. She was staring right at me like she had been waiting for me to walk into the class. Then she gave me this shy smile and quickly looked away. Uh-oh. Somebody must have announced my little secret to her. I’m sure it wasn’t Wheat, which meant it probably was Sally Guffie or one of her friends.
I started sweating all over, which was good in some ways because of the weight I needed to lose. I never looked Laurie’s ways the whole class and when I gave my five-minute book report, I started out sounding like a soprano.
Bobby and some of the other kids even laughed a little before Mrs. Murphy gave them The Stare. She is famous for that. Then they got kind of bored. It’s pretty hard to jazz up, “The Grapes of Wrath.”
That 55-minute period seemed to drag on for days before the bell finally rang. I was planning on getting out of there lickety-split but I felt a pull on one of my belt loops as I stood up. I looked around and to my surprise … my horror … and my ecstasy, Laurie was holding it.
“Walk me down the hallway, would you Spank,” she said.
I didn’t faint. I couldn’t get any words out, though. I just nodded. She called me Spank. I didn’t even think she knew they called me that. Actually, I don’t think she has ever called me Billy Ray, either.
I usually head to history class with Bobby as fast as we can go so we can get a quick look at the Mrs. Riley, the good-looking French teacher who stands out in the front of her classroom the first few minutes of the break. I keep trying to determine her weight class, which I know is a bad habit of mine. But as a wrestler I’m just too used to looking at people that way. At least I keep my estimations to myself.
So when Bobby saw I was walking with Laurie, he looked at me as if I had just started the Caine Mutiny. He took a few steps with us but then got the hint.
“Don’t want to put you on the spot, Spank,” Laurie said, “but I broke up with Kelly over the weekend and I need a date to the prom a week from Saturday since I’m on the court. Would you go with me? If you would, I could meet you there or my dad could pick you up and take us.”
First things first. I should probably mention Kelly — Kelly Carson. He is a linebacker on the football team and a pitcher on the baseball team and a guy who makes some girls walk into each other when he comes down the hall. Some say he looks like that actor Chris Helmsworth who has fought whales and big mythological creatures in the movies. Kelly is a junior and drives a yellow 2019 Mustang, which I guess is a big deal out in the parking lot. Especially when you compare it to my Trek mountain bike.
Enough about him. Back to Laurie Middlebrook and mmmmmmeeee. And that’s how I pretty much answered her. “Mmmmmeeeee?”
She laughed as we headed down the hallway, her sort of leading the way since I didn’t know where we were going. “I’m sorry,” she continued. “Maybe you already have a date.”
I didn’t tell her that I’ve never been on a date in my life. “Not at this time,” I said and realized that was a silly reply.
She laughed again. “Then say yes. You’ve always been such a nice guy. I even remember when you retrieved my papers back in seventh grade when the wind blew them out of my hand at the bus stop. How’s that for a memory? I don’t want to pressure you but I think we would have fun.”
So I got out a yes. Then I stammered: “Laurie, I need to tell you that there may be a vicious rumor that was started by someone today that I have a little bit of a crush on you.”
“I may have heard something like that,” she said as she walked into her biology class. “But I always sort of knew you did. And that made it a little easier for me to think of you for the prom.”
With that, she gave me a little wave while I just stood there in the hallway like one of those Walking Dead zombies. Mrs. Riley walked by and I didn’t even notice her.