Squirrel thieves plague our family

The story you are about to read is true. No names have been changed to protect the innocent.

One day last summer my wife and I were sitting on the patio of our lake cabin in northern Michigan. My wife went inside the cabin for a few minutes and when she came back out, she couldn’t find her glasses. Now she has been known to misplace her glasses with some regularity, so I asked her where she had left them. She swore they were on the patio coffee table.

Well, they were obviously not there so we spent the next hour or so looking inside and outside the cabin. No luck. Just to annoy her, I said one of the squirrels must have taken them. At that point, she gave me that dirty look as only wives can — and we continued searching for her glasses to no avail. After a while, “the squirrel took them” became sort of a running joke.

Fast forward to the current holiday season. My daughter, who lives in suburban Seattle, called me to say a squirrel had stolen multiple bulbs from their Christmas lights. As you might imagine, I was pretty skeptical. After all, why would a squirrel steal the bulbs on a string of Christmas lights? And how is that even possible? But she had proof. Next thing I know she sends me at text message with this picture:

A squirrel scampers off with a Christmas light bulb. Would it take eye glasses too?

The camera doesn’t lie so I am left with several questions. One, how did the squirrel thief get from northern Michigan to Seattle? Two, did he stow away on our cross-country flight? And three, what does a squirrel do with Christmas light bulbs anyway?

 Oh, and by the way, we never found my wife’s glasses. I can only guess they are stashed in some hollow tree. I wonder, if that tree ever comes down, what other kind of contraband will we find?

If there is a moral to this story, I guess it is to never trust a squirrel. And if you ever find one wearing a pair of glasses or decorating its nest with Christmas lights, please let me know.